Recently I was blessed with being able to visit Makkah again to perform Umrah AlHamdulillah. (Umrah is a pilgrimage performed by Muslims to the holy Kaaba in Makkah). I have been before but this time was very different for me for many reasons, mainly because it was so much busier than I'd ever seen it before and also because I was planning to take my children to do Umrah with me.
As wonderful as it is to visit Makkah, Umrah can be physically and emotionally demanding, especially for people going for the first time, for people with physical disabilities or difficulties, those with mental health problems, people with emotional, social, and sensory disorders, and of course for children too. Situations during Umrah that can cause difficulty for children as well as adults with these additional struggles, especially at times when Makkah is very busy are large crowds, noise, different clothing, walking barefoot on new textures, repetitive chants/dhikr, fast-moving people (Sa'i), being forced to go with the crowd, lack of personal space, difficulty staying as a group, being touched/pushed, stepped on to name a few. As a parent of three young children aged 5 to 11, at least one of whom has autism and sensory processing disorder means I have to plan any trip well, particularly this one. I wanted to share some reflections and advice from my personal experience for any of you planning to do Umrah with younger children or with children or adults with additional needs in the future. Some of these tips may also resonate with adults with autism, ADHD, anxiety, and/or sensory processing issues.
1. Be Prepared
Before your stay, understand what is required of Umrah and watch videos with your kids so that they can understand what will happen and what it will be like. Explaining the reasons why we do Umrah, what to expect there, what they will do, see, hear, and how busy it can be can help prevent sensory overwhelm or distress and make it much more likely that children will manage their Umrah well. Practicing in advance wearing the clothes they will need to wear and going through the steps in the safety of their home will help them be more comfortable.
2. Plan the Logistics
Keep the journey to the Haram as calm and straightforward as your budget will allow. We have traveled to Makkah by road in our own car before as part of a longer road trip, we found this a fun and sensory-friendly way to travel. We have also flown direct to Jeddah and taken a taxi to our hotel which was the most straightforward. This year we flew to Madinah first and took the high-speed train to Makkah followed by a taxi to our hotel. Why do we avoid buses? to minimize sensory overwhelm so that our kids (and us) can enjoy the main events which we know will be busy. We loved the high-speed train and found that a fun way to travel with kids. It was calm and easy to navigate.
3. Stay Close to The Haram
Stay as close to the Haram as your budget will allow or look for a hotel that provides a shuttle bus service (if buses are manageable for you). Keeping the 'to and from stress-free will allow the whole family to start Umrah peacefully. Staying close by also allows those in two-parent families to leave the kids in the hotel with a parent while one goes to pray or visit the haram in their own time. I have always done my Umrah alone while my family waits in the hotel, and as a lone female, I feel that it is safer and more time efficient for my family to stay within walking distance of the haram. Staying close to our room means that if one child becomes upset or cannot complete Umrah it is easy to take them back without everyone having to stop. For all children but especially for those with additional needs, it is important that there is a safe and quiet place nearby to go if they become overwhelmed or distressed.
4. Timing is Everything
Try to go at a quiet time of year, outside of the holy months and summer heat. You need to register and book a slot on the Nusuk app in order to enter through the Umrah gate. You can clearly see the times that are busy (in red) or quieter (in green). Try to also book a slot when you know your kids are most awake, and in a good mood. Visiting outside of prayer times can mean you can focus on the Umrah with your children without distraction since prayer times can get busy and may lead to upset for young kids or those with sensory processing issues. We find after breakfast, well after Fajr, and well before Dhuhr prayer to be a great time for us.
5. Practice
If it is possible to have a practice, (for example, if you will go back again in future, if your kids aren't ready to do Umrah yet or if you are staying a few days) then let the kids practice first so that they know what to expect. You can enter the mosque area and actually do all the steps of Umrah there without setting foot through the Umrah gate. You can take the children to see the Kaaba, do Tawaf and Sa'i here, or even just do one walk of the 7 so that they can be prepared for the real deal. You can get a taxi to the nearest Miqat to re-enter the state of ihram if needed before the kids do their actual Umrah.
6. Consider Going it Alone
If you are unsure if your children will manage then it could be worth doing your own Umrah alone first and then going as a family or taking your children later on. My husband and I have always completed our Umrah alone while one of us stayed with the kids in the hotel. This way you are not stressed about completing your own Umrah and will not get frustrated if your children can't manage to complete theirs (remember it is so important to give them a good experience of Makkah over all else to cement that feeling that they want to go back and that means we need to manage our own feelings and expectations too).
7. Remember What is Important
Remember that Umrah is not obligatory and therefore kids don't have to do it. When you have planned everything and really want your kids to experience it, it can feel frustrating if things don't go to plan. Kids can get upset, tired, and unwell or the Haram itself could be just too busy making it feel unsafe or simply unpleasant for children who may be trodden on or pushed around since they are small. If this happens then consider; do they really need to do Umrah. Are there other ways to increase their understanding of their faith and enjoy this beautiful experience as a family? The mosque entrance is generally quieter outside of prayer times than the Umrah entrance, You can sit peacefully and make dua as a family, take time to see the Kaaba, or do a more leisurely tawaf. You can sit on the upper floors and watch those doing Sa'i and drink zam zam while telling them the story of Hagar and why it is significant to us today. Keep it peaceful, calm, spiritual, and a good experience for them so that they will understand more, increase their faith and leave with hope in their hearts to go back in the future.
8. Make it Fun
Kids are kids and they need fun in their lives. There are many things in Makkah you can do after Umrah to make it fun for the kids. Parks, shopping, desserts, fast food places. Treat them. Or head to Jeddah an hour away by car, for a day or night where they can swim, play on the beach, run on the corniche, or visit the Fakieh aquarium. Make some enjoyable feelings and memories around their Umrah that they won't forget.
9. Keep the Memories
If it is their first Umrah or experience of Makkah then make it special. You can give them small scrapbooks and stickers and let them fill them with their Makkah memories. Tickets, Photos, notes, their lock of hair, and drawings that they can look at for years to come.
10. Make Dua for Your Trip
When doing Umrah we can get overwhelmed with our emotions or with all the prayers we want to make for those around us who we know and love. Make time before and during your journey to ask Allah swt to help your children complete their Umrah if it is good for them, but over all else; to accept all of your endeavors for His sake. To make the whole experience a calm and peaceful one, for it to be a means to create faith in their hearts and yours and bring you all closer to Him, Ameen.
